I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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