I'm jealous of your bromance
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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