Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
