Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
