new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
