Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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