I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
