yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
