Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
