Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize