Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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