I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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