can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
