Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
