You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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