It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
