I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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