6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
