so explain again why im purple
no
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
