'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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