apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
