I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
