I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize