guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Terrible idea I love it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
