he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
