I cannot find my penis.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
