He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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