I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
