I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
