she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
