So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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