Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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