i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
