Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
