So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
