Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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