I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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