Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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