i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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