Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
