my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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