Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
