one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
