I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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