the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
