I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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