please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
vagina is talking i cant
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
