ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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