Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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