yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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