He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is classic penis vs brain.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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