you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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