Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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