He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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