Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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