OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize