Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i will never coherently bang her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
