Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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