What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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