my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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