Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
