So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
