dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
