So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize