He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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