Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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