Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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