i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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