Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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