do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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