Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I did not marry a roomba.
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