I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
