I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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